State Sanctioned Arboricide!

Crape Myrtle Trees

The kudzu of government is spreading out into the tiniest of places. Big picture they spend excessive amounts of money on stupid stuff into the trillions of dollars, most of which is none of their business. They reach down into our personal property and behaviors, and now comes this story a local government telling people how to trim and prune their own trees.

Eddie Sales of the Albemarle Road Presbyterian Church in Charlotte goes about church property every two or three years and trims trees. It’s against the law if not done right. Who knew? One would think, on one’s own property, and owning those trees, you could pretty much do what you want.

It turns out the City of Charlotte has tree police, and the church is being fined $100 per branch cut for excessive pruning; that’s $4,000. Really? Excessive pruning? Apparently the church, specifically Eddie, has been trimming the trees this way for years, and nothing has been said by tree police.

There’s a guy, Tom Johnson, that’s the “senior urban forester” for the city. If he’s the senior one, then there must be a whole department of “urban foresters”. The main bureaucracy is the Charlotte Land Development Division. What do you want to be when you grow up Johnny? I want to be an urban forester daddy! Good grief.

The ordinance came into to being from some knucklehead city officials in 1978. I wonder how trees survived in that city until then. This character Johnson:  "When they are nonrepairable, when they have been pruned beyond repair, we will ask them to be replaced."… "We do that for a number of reasons but mainly because they are going to come back unhealthy and create a dangerous situation down the road." "The purpose of the tree ordinance is to protect trees."… "Charlotte has always been known as the city of trees. When we take down trees, we need to replace these trees." What needs to be replaced are a bunch of meddlesome government busybodies.

Let’s do some government trimming by the citizens, and let the citizens trim their trees without being turned into criminals.

If you do want to trim trees, according to the state Division of Forestry, you should get certified! Really. By the National Horticulture Board. To trim trees on your own property! Wonder how long before an ordinance is passed before tree trimming certified city employees will be the only ones authorized to snip a few branches.

The Charlotte tree police hunt down on average six violators of the ordinance per year. Johnson said Charlotte was known as the city of trees; no it’s not. Also, the crape myrtle, the tree in question, doesn’t need to be trimmed at all. Survives just fine. The trees that have been improperly trimmed must be removed and replaced, which is so silly. What are they going to do, just throw the tree away? It’s a perfectly good tree!

I charge the Charlotte City Council with premeditated arboricide.

I was reminded, writing this, of one of the most lovely literary passages ever, found by Henry Miller, which he quoted in one of his books:

Honorable sir: I hope that you are well and enjoying good health during this very changeable weather that we are now having. I am quite well myself at the present time and I am glad to say so. I wish that you would do me a very kindhearted and a very special favor and kindly have the men of the Park Department go around now and start by the Borough Lines of Queens and Kings Counties and work outward easterly and back westerly and likewise northerly and southerly and remove the numerous dead and dying trees, trees all open at the base part and in the trunk part and trees bending and leaning over and ready to fall down and do damage to human life, limb and property, and to give all the good trees both large and small sizes an extra good, thorough, proper, systematic and symmetrical pruning, trimming and paring off from the base to the very top parts and all through. I wish that you would do me a very kindhearted and very special favor and kindly have the men of the Park Department greatly reduce all the top heavy and overgrown trees in height to a height of about twenty-five feet high and to have all the long boughs and branches shortened considerably in the length and all parts of the trees greatly thinned out from the base to the very top parts and thereby give a great deal more light, more natural light, more air, more beauty and very much more safety to the pedestrians, the general thoroughfares and to the surroundings along by the streets, avenues, places, roadways, roads, highways, boulevards, terraces, parkways (streets called courts, lanes, etc.) and by the Parks inside and outside.
I would generally, kindly and very urgently request that the boughs and branches be pruned, trimmed and pared off at a distance of from twelve to fifteen feet from the front, side and rear walls of all houses and other buildings of every description and not allow them to come in contact with them as a great many of them are very much marred by them coming in contact with them, and thereby give a great deal more light, more natural light, more air, more beauty and very much more safety.
I wish that you would kindly have the men of the Park Department prune, trim and pare off the boughs and branches at a distance of from twelve to sixteen feet above the sidewalks, flagging, grounds, curbs, etc. and not allow them to keep drooping away down low as a great many of them are now doing and thereby give plenty of height to walk beneath the same...
I wish that you would kindly have the boughs and branches pruned, trimmed and pared off and down considerably below the roofs of the houses and other buildings and not allow them to protrude over, lap over, lay over, cross over or come in contact with the houses and other buildings and to have the boughs and branches greatly separated between each and every tree and not allow the boughs and branches to lap over, lay over, cross over, entwine, hug cluster or come in contact with the adjoining trees and thereby give a great deal more light more natural light, more air, more beauty and very much more safety to the pedestrians, the thoroughfares and to the general surrounding around by all parts of Queens County, New York...