I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's never gonna happen."
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday...lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month and and a half for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman
is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is
they're a bunch of liars.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what
the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and
be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is
another theory which states that this has already happened.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Every teenager should get a high school education. Even if they already know everything.
You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on
two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over backward but at
the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
I'm not 50 something. I'm $58.95 plus shipping and handling.
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